The Internet Personified: Meenakshi Jones' Diary
An homage to one of my favourite books
Cigarettes: 2, alcohol units: 0 (vg but am not counting drinks consumed early this morning as it still counts as night if you haven’t yet gone to sleep) weight: who knows anymore, times I have read Bridget Jones’ Diary: too many to count
2 pm: New year, new start.
This year I will be a cool, calm superhero type of woman, who people flock to for advice and caregiving while also managing to keep her own mental health intact. Suspect this will involve wearing a lot of loose linen shifts. Sadly, since have breasts, linen shifts that look like attire of Greek goddesses or similar on tall, thin women, make self look like tent. Must investigate Nicobar’s collection of linen shifts to see if they have anything for the short curvy woman. Must make enough money this year to casually shop at Nicobar as though every day normal thing, not something so special that whenever one’s dress is complimented, one feels the need to shout out its origin as though commenting on a dog breed. “THANKS, IT’S FROM NICOBAR.” Although really only covet one thing from Nicobar thus far, and that is that polka dotted wrap dress that everyone owns and therefore knows origins of, much like owning a cocker spaniel or a labrador, no one needs to ask you where your dress is from. Wonder if superhero type women ever tell you about the origins of their clothes, or whether they just smile mysteriously and say, “Thank you” while also offering you herbal tea in a Good Earth cup.
Ooh, a herbal tea would be quite nice. So would a coffee. Danced the night away at friends P & A’s last night, but was sensible and stopped self from drinking any more after five glasses of wine. Or was it six? Either way, stood around at the corner of the dance floor (a cleared out area in the living room) drinking a glass of water and looking smug at own superiority in recognising need to hydrate. Later, standing outside smoking one of the last cigarettes left at the party in the freezing cold, took several sips from friend M’s glass, but that does not count as not own glass, in same manner that taking drags from someone else’s cigarette means you haven’t actually smoked that night at all.
2.21 pm: Ugh, getting increasingly desperate calls from car insurance person because insurance is running out tomorrow. Made resolution to be more organised this year and get on top of emails and household things as soon as they happen instead of just brushing them under the carpet and hoping for best. Also must remember to reply to other increasingly desperate messages from someone who just wants to pay me. Will just have a cup of coffee and get right to it. Must also pay electricity bill while I am paying things.
2.25 pm: But it’s so boring.
2.37 pm: Hurrah! Have opened a new tab for the insurance. Will now have to hunt through text messages to find the chassis number because that’s apparently a required thing.
2.39 pm: What even is a chassis? Sounds like a fancy wine, but of course is not wine, is something to do with the car. Engine or similar.
2.40 pm: Must do a quick Google. Imperitive to know this as one is both feminist and car owner, and must not feed into stereotypes about women not being interested in cars or whatever. Lack of interest in cars is just PERSONALITY TYPE and nothing to do with gender.
2.41 pm: Chassis Google result a) less interesting than thought and b) also very quick so now will have to navigate back to insurance page and pay it. Ooh, Instagram notification.
2.49 pm: Was friend M reposting story I posted of her, me, friend P and friend S. Instagram offers option to repost her repost of my story. Wonder if could enter into infinite Instagram loop.
2.50 pm: Right. Doing the insurance payment. Feeling very like George Banks of Mary Poppins movie, bowler hatted and singing about how house is like my dominion.
2.56 pm: Page has frozen, so will just quickly check email.
2.58 pm: Car insurance expensive. Wonder if would be fine to get rid of car and just use Uber, Ola etc. Wonder if price would work out to be same if constantly relying on taxis. Surely no need for car in this crowded city where public transport possible? However, nice to have car so that one can make a quick getaway if needed, quick getaways being something I enjoy.
3.02 pm: HAVE DONE IT, HAVE PAID THE INSURANCE FEEL LIKE GODDESS OF BILLS. Surely there is a goddess of bills in some pantheon if not ours? Can only find Hestia from Greece who is the goddess of domesticity and the hearth but also, confusingly, a virgin, so not sure how confiding housewives could be with her.
3.15 pm: Felt like deserved treat for hard work so used up last of Amazon birthday gift voucher. Have bought so far: Mira Jacob’s Good Talk (vvvvvg), Zadie Smith’s essay collection Feel Free, Oxford Book of American Short Stories edited by Joyce Carol Oates, Gore Vidal’s memoir Palimpest and the true crime I’ll Be Gone In The Dark which is meant to be v good. And three Tintins, because was always Asterix girl and never got into Tintin so thought would try in adulthood. Also purchased acrylic paints, brushes and a palette because learned to love painting again in 2019 and want to do more of it in 2020. Good collection of books, I think. Writing “From friends on birthday” on each one so will remember. Will just read one Zadie essay now as being on laptop too long is making my head hurt.
3.22 pm: Will end here so you are not subjected to more of my bill paying adventures. Obviously hard writing diary style as also addressing to you, actual audience, unlike fictional Bridget, who wrote for herself alone. Watched movie of Bridget Jones and is sweet but not even remotely as good as the book, which you must read. Still makes me laugh out loud and have owned it since was 18 years old. Hope your bacchanalia was as you wished it to be. Wonder if calling a year 2020 will mean harking back to fashion of 1920s which is personal favourite but also requires girls with no bosom. Wonder if world will improve at all this year or just continue slow drip into total hellscape. At least some hope every January 1st, that sense of page being turned and writing being brand new.
Some links to get you started in 2020:
Actual human mourning for the death of a robot.
I don’t know whennn Little Women is releasing in India but I’m so excited and also ready to be angry about how they fucked it up and here’s an article on Marmee.
Why do we love nostalgia and specifically Friends?
Spotify is monetising your mood.
The 2010s have broken our sense of time.
What happens when you’re 16 and pregnant? You might get shunned.
Getting a new vagina doesn’t mean a new you necessarily.
How to deal when you’re sick but you’re still the only caregiver for your autistic son.
I also watched Love Actually and tweeted about it as I watched which might be funny if you’ve watched the movie too.
Happy New Year!
xx
m
Where am I?The Internet Personified! A mostly weekly collection of things I did/thought/read/saw that week.
Who are you?Meenakshi Reddy Madhavan, writer of internet words (and other things) author of seven books (support me by buying a book!) and general city-potter-er.
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