I am always very interested in the psychology of names in different languages. To you Minna sounds diminutive and not serious, but in Serbian we have the name Mina and it’s a perfectly respectable elegant woman’s name. It’s interesting how names carry their own flavor with them.
I’m always amazed when we let ourselves feel awkward over other people’s awkward behavior. And don’t get me wrong - it definitely happens to me too. But reading about the guy who told you to your face ‘wow you’re not as hot as I thought you would be’, wouldn’t a great answer be a tilt of the head and going ‘hmm, what was it that made you believe I was hot?’
Then he can squirm a little. Like Gisèle Pelicot said, the shame needs to change sides.
what a perfect response! and alas, if only i had thought of it. it actually reminds me of one of my favourite german words: treppenwitz, literally staircase humour, or when you think of the perfect comeback but you’re already on the stairs going home. bah. next time!
and i’m coming round to minna. it still feels little and not serious but i like that it’s an actual name in this part of the world!
I really like the name Minna. But I also really like Meenakshi. You should use whatever feels better to you ❤️
It’s super annoying when you come up with a comeback too late! But in general I have been served well by just turning their stupid comment into a question. ‘Why do you feel that way?’ Is a great one to get people to get all tangled up in explaining their shitty views. Another really good one is replying to insulting or demeaning jokes with ‘hmm, I don’t get it. Can you explain?’
Hi Meenakshi! Yours is the first essay that I'm reading on Substack after almost a year (with my newborn in my lap) and your writing was so engaging that I read it to the last letter. You've got yourself a new follower! Can't wait to read your older essays and archives now :)
Delighted to have discovered this. And as someone who was blogging from 2010ish onwards, I totally relate. Love that you can find rich, lush, long form writing like this here. Please share more!
Nice! You came across my feed so something worked! I’m not a writer but … writers need readers, right! I’m much older (I call these my dying days) so I can remember: punch cards and phone coupling to connect to mainframes (which were probably less powerful than a cheap laptop today). Appreciate your book list, sparked some interests. Thanks again.
You know what's fascinating here? The way you map out this shift from your secret blogger identity to your present self - it's like watching someone slowly take off layers of carefully constructed armor. That bit about your two names, Meenakshi/Minna, really captures how we've always juggled different versions of ourselves, even before screens got involved.
I appreciate your take on online visibility, though I think there's room to see the Rupi Kaurs of the world differently - there's a certain courage in choosing to be seen, even if the form isn't traditional.
A very relatable piece on navigating the complexities of identity and anonymity online, especially for women. I found it interesting that Madhavan's solution to having her looked commented on was to embrace her true identity online, so as to mitigate people not knowing what she looks like. I'm not saying this was wrong or anything, but want to back her up with whatever works on her end. I would want to add that this is a them problem, not an us problem, so they are the ones that need to change their behavior. Sexualizing women in online spaces like blogs and Substacks is a way to make the spaces unwelcoming to women - we see you and what you are doing! Point it out if you see it and can do so safely. Thank you for sharing Madhavan, look forward to reading more from you.
I read this essay with great interest. I can relate to a lot of what you wrote about bloggers and influencers, etc. I started blogging around 2002 (on Xanga, which doesn't exist anymore), and experienced the same kind of small group friendship as you described. To this day, I still feel nostalgic about it. Substack doesn't give me that kind of community because 1) the shitty "discoverability" for writers with a non-U.S. background/focus; 2) the sheer volume of published content--people subscribe to hundreds of newsletters and end up not having time for you (I'm guilty as charged). I enjoyed being anonymous as a writer. I suppose it's like writing a novel (which I haven't--yet). You actually get to tell the truth more forcefully and thoroughly when the "I" and all the stakes attached to it are removed. I actually changed my Substack name to be the same as my newsletter's title as I found myself entering the territory of sensitive political topics that could get me into trouble. It gives me more freedom. I think the "demand" in our social media era to expose ourselves in the name of "authenticity" is disingenious.
Damn, I'm trying to buy your book. Want to start with Soft Animal. Link takes me to Amazon India, where I can't shop, and a search on Amazon UK isn't turning up your book except as used paperback and I only use e reader. Got a link for a UK available ebook? And honestly, capitalism makes me laugh. So rubbish. Claims to be globalised but is so very much not so. (I'm willing to direct purchase a PDF or epub file copy from you, this is how I got to read a Nigerian author's book recently. Check out Huawa; and also see how James Worth is selling his book directly as an e-bookl from his website. I feel this is the way to go. I've not worked in India for years now (Modi made me an undesirable and I'm banned, and that's a loss but it's ok. Most of my close Indian friends are in Gulf anyway so we can still meet). But yeah, I want to read Indian authors sometimes. Of course I do. We need a way for this to happen more easily. Anyway, if you can get me a way to buy Soft Animal, I want to read it!
I am always very interested in the psychology of names in different languages. To you Minna sounds diminutive and not serious, but in Serbian we have the name Mina and it’s a perfectly respectable elegant woman’s name. It’s interesting how names carry their own flavor with them.
I’m always amazed when we let ourselves feel awkward over other people’s awkward behavior. And don’t get me wrong - it definitely happens to me too. But reading about the guy who told you to your face ‘wow you’re not as hot as I thought you would be’, wouldn’t a great answer be a tilt of the head and going ‘hmm, what was it that made you believe I was hot?’
Then he can squirm a little. Like Gisèle Pelicot said, the shame needs to change sides.
what a perfect response! and alas, if only i had thought of it. it actually reminds me of one of my favourite german words: treppenwitz, literally staircase humour, or when you think of the perfect comeback but you’re already on the stairs going home. bah. next time!
and i’m coming round to minna. it still feels little and not serious but i like that it’s an actual name in this part of the world!
I really like the name Minna. But I also really like Meenakshi. You should use whatever feels better to you ❤️
It’s super annoying when you come up with a comeback too late! But in general I have been served well by just turning their stupid comment into a question. ‘Why do you feel that way?’ Is a great one to get people to get all tangled up in explaining their shitty views. Another really good one is replying to insulting or demeaning jokes with ‘hmm, I don’t get it. Can you explain?’
It’s very fun.
Hi Meenakshi! Yours is the first essay that I'm reading on Substack after almost a year (with my newborn in my lap) and your writing was so engaging that I read it to the last letter. You've got yourself a new follower! Can't wait to read your older essays and archives now :)
Delighted to have discovered this. And as someone who was blogging from 2010ish onwards, I totally relate. Love that you can find rich, lush, long form writing like this here. Please share more!
I prefer to have a digital disguise :)
Nice! You came across my feed so something worked! I’m not a writer but … writers need readers, right! I’m much older (I call these my dying days) so I can remember: punch cards and phone coupling to connect to mainframes (which were probably less powerful than a cheap laptop today). Appreciate your book list, sparked some interests. Thanks again.
You know what's fascinating here? The way you map out this shift from your secret blogger identity to your present self - it's like watching someone slowly take off layers of carefully constructed armor. That bit about your two names, Meenakshi/Minna, really captures how we've always juggled different versions of ourselves, even before screens got involved.
I appreciate your take on online visibility, though I think there's room to see the Rupi Kaurs of the world differently - there's a certain courage in choosing to be seen, even if the form isn't traditional.
A very relatable piece on navigating the complexities of identity and anonymity online, especially for women. I found it interesting that Madhavan's solution to having her looked commented on was to embrace her true identity online, so as to mitigate people not knowing what she looks like. I'm not saying this was wrong or anything, but want to back her up with whatever works on her end. I would want to add that this is a them problem, not an us problem, so they are the ones that need to change their behavior. Sexualizing women in online spaces like blogs and Substacks is a way to make the spaces unwelcoming to women - we see you and what you are doing! Point it out if you see it and can do so safely. Thank you for sharing Madhavan, look forward to reading more from you.
https://ko-fi.com/philosophypublics
https://mrm.substack.com/p/the-internet-personified-ignore-my
I read this essay with great interest. I can relate to a lot of what you wrote about bloggers and influencers, etc. I started blogging around 2002 (on Xanga, which doesn't exist anymore), and experienced the same kind of small group friendship as you described. To this day, I still feel nostalgic about it. Substack doesn't give me that kind of community because 1) the shitty "discoverability" for writers with a non-U.S. background/focus; 2) the sheer volume of published content--people subscribe to hundreds of newsletters and end up not having time for you (I'm guilty as charged). I enjoyed being anonymous as a writer. I suppose it's like writing a novel (which I haven't--yet). You actually get to tell the truth more forcefully and thoroughly when the "I" and all the stakes attached to it are removed. I actually changed my Substack name to be the same as my newsletter's title as I found myself entering the territory of sensitive political topics that could get me into trouble. It gives me more freedom. I think the "demand" in our social media era to expose ourselves in the name of "authenticity" is disingenious.
Damn, I'm trying to buy your book. Want to start with Soft Animal. Link takes me to Amazon India, where I can't shop, and a search on Amazon UK isn't turning up your book except as used paperback and I only use e reader. Got a link for a UK available ebook? And honestly, capitalism makes me laugh. So rubbish. Claims to be globalised but is so very much not so. (I'm willing to direct purchase a PDF or epub file copy from you, this is how I got to read a Nigerian author's book recently. Check out Huawa; and also see how James Worth is selling his book directly as an e-bookl from his website. I feel this is the way to go. I've not worked in India for years now (Modi made me an undesirable and I'm banned, and that's a loss but it's ok. Most of my close Indian friends are in Gulf anyway so we can still meet). But yeah, I want to read Indian authors sometimes. Of course I do. We need a way for this to happen more easily. Anyway, if you can get me a way to buy Soft Animal, I want to read it!
Hi Caroline! This makes me very happy. Can you please email me?
Hah forgot to add my email address, it's meenakshimadhavan AT Gmail DOT Com.
Interesting read !!